Inedible Reading

Chicken Base, 263 Oxford Rd, Reading RG1 7PY.

The ‘base’ of something is the bottom of it, isn’t it? And ‘bottom’ means ‘arse’, doesn’t it? Also, if one’s instincts are ‘base’, then they’re subconsciously directed by animalistic, selfish, primeval and unpleasant motivations. Still, those are no reasons to be suspicious of Chicken Base. You can let the prices, branding, colour scheme, pictures and the smell, look and taste of the food do that for you instead.

What They Sell: Chicken, burgers, kebabs, pizzas. And beans. Lots of beans. They gave us 400% more baked beans than we ordered. Is that a good thing? Well, it depends where you stand or sit on beans we suppose.

In Their Own Bullshit: ‘We are well known and well reputed for providing quality and standards in the fast foods industry. From a small beginning, it has now become a major player in the local food industry. We are known in the local market for our credibility, and this is only possible with the commitment of management and the dedication of employees towards producing quality food products. Honest and straightforward dealing with customers and the continuous improvement in the quality of our food products has helped us to develop into a reputable food outlet.’

‘Restaurant’ Decor: ‘If the food doesn’t make you sick, our walls will!’ Now that’s not the official motto of Chicken Base, but it could well be. See?

What We Ordered: Two pieces of chicken, two hot wings, a chicken burger, a cheese burger, two portions of chips, mozzarella sticks, one fishcake, one portion of beans and one can of Diet Coke.

What We Received: Two pieces of chicken, two hot wings, a chicken burger, a burger without cheese, three portions of chips, mozzarella sticks, no fishcake, four portions of beans and one can of regular Coke.

Number of Mistakes to Order: Five.

Delivery Notes: The delivery driver arrived on time, looking only relatively menacing in neon polo shirt and chinos. He kindly explained the fishcake situation. But didn’t mention their attempt to make us overdose on beans. Was this to make up for the fishcake? Do three small pots of beans = one fishcake? It’s a question for the ages.

Highlights: Bean bonus.

Lowlights: The overcooked chicken, lack of burger cheese and fishcake substitution led to disappointment and confusion, which resulted in us forgetting that our vinegar bottle doesn’t have a shaky-type lid. One portion of chips ruined. Luckily there were two more.

Cat’s Reaction to Food: Our feline dining partner ordered the chicken main and enjoyed her course immensely.

Staff Contribution to Fashion: Lime green branded baseball caps.

Digestive Impact: Instant. Explosive.

You used to be able to get a 7″ pizza here for 99p. And fishcake and chips for 99p. That was good, that. It made up for all the terrible things about eating here. Still, we’ve never died from eating at Chicken Base and they DID give us a shitload of beans for no real reason. 

Have YOU ever died from eating here? Perhaps you survived but you or a mate claim to have once ate a friend toad instead of chicken leg or something? If you’ve any story or anecdote – real or made up – about this place, please let us know in the comments…